I have bee trying to motivate myself - my chapter should have been edited and in about a fortnight ago and I haven't even looked at it without flinging it aside in a kind of wanton 'I have a fit of the Victorian vapours' sort of a way!
Summers are for indolence, languidity, somnolent reveries, sauntering, picnics, after sun (fat chance in Scotland I hasten to add) and basically recharging the very depleted batteries that have been exhausted over the winter. Work - what is this thing! It feels like Lady Macbeth's dagger -
"What is this work I see before me" .... and like Lady Macbeth I am in total denial about the immediacy of the situation, the gravity of not completing my draft and the panic which is just round the corner should I continue to delay!
A good thing is that when I come here and off load my moans and groans I generally go back and have a slightly more productive day! This is the space which allows me to rethink my strategies and possibly it has the effect of getting my brain into work mode once more.
I had a thoughtful email from a member of staff today who had stumbled across a new publication which is very pertinent to my studies, so that prompted an immediate flurry as I pressed the one click buy button on Amazon - no point waiting for the library to buy it! My Ph.D will be long finished! (oh that made me chuckle - everyone knows it will never be finished!)
I did wake with a few sentences in my head with which to try and launch the final segment of the Vorticism section - so I've jotted those down and now ... well now I feel exhausted darlings! ;)
Ah today I feel very much like the poem by ee cummings - 'my mind is ... (XXV)'
my mind is... (XXV) by E. E. Cummings
my mind is
a big hunk of irrevocable nothing which touch and taste and smell
and hearing and sight keep hitting and chipping with sharp fatal
tools
in an agony of sensual chisels i perform squirms of chrome and ex
-ecute strides of cobalt
nevertheless i
feel that i cleverly am being altered that i slightly am becoming
something a little different, in fact
myself
Hereupon helpless i utter lilac shrieks and scarlet bellowings.
a big hunk of irrevocable nothing which touch and taste and smell
and hearing and sight keep hitting and chipping with sharp fatal
tools
in an agony of sensual chisels i perform squirms of chrome and ex
-ecute strides of cobalt
nevertheless i
feel that i cleverly am being altered that i slightly am becoming
something a little different, in fact
myself
Hereupon helpless i utter lilac shrieks and scarlet bellowings.
My lilac shrieks and scarlet bellowings end up here most of the time!
It isn't helping that every time I start to think about things my mind wanders to what I might be going to blip that day! Shocking! I have been possessed of the photographic urge!
Having said all that I am in need of a cup of tea and some food - on and perhaps a recline on the deck with a good novel the latest study in little magazines!
