Paying it Forward

I like this because the image is from around 1910! 

... I was going to talk about marriage today, as a modern institution that is outdated and perhaps unnecessary. The reason being I may have been banging my gums repeatedly mentioned in the passing, several hundred times once or twice that I am pulling my hair out with  all the crap having a few problems with 'the ex' ... but it's just too depressing  complicated and needs a lot more brain power than I can muster. Also I have several reason why I do not think , at this time, it is a good idea to air my opinion about something that is clearly affecting my life just now:
A. I think it is unseemly to air one's personal dirty laundry publicly,
B. He is on my Facebook and may see it! and
C. I do get his point of view,BUT HE IS WRONG!!!!  I just disagree with it.

I am also not a fan of the one sided argument which blogs, forums and other internet outlets tend to support. Let's face it we all know there are three sides to every argument - his, hers and the truth!

So about marriage let's just say - I am not its biggest fan! I am not an entirely paid up member of the 'let's get divorced club' either ... I am more on the side of let's get rid of these archaic and unworkable institutions all together and stop shitting ourselves that they actually function! Now I have a LOT of thoughts on the pros and cons of marriage and maybe one day I will pluck up the courage to form them into a coherent few paragraphs, but right now I have a feeling it would degenerate into a rant ... which would be sooooo satisfying is never pretty!

Instead I thought would waffle on about the idea of 'pay it forward' because after a very odd and shitty week, a woman and a friend, who I know only virtually, has done something rather sweet and unexpected to cheer me up. When I asked what I could do in return her reply was, 'just pay it forward'. I am not even entirely sure she even knows the week I have had, which makes it even more spontaneous and unexpected.

If you've seen the film starring that boy who sees dead people you will be fully aware of what pay it forward means; basically if someone does you a good turn you do something good for someone else ... and so on and so forth. I like the theory but never experienced it in practice and I have to tell you it fair perked me up! I can't even tell you what it is she is offering because, well, it's a little shady and involves copy dvds! Shhhhhhhh

The lovely thing is I already know a man who I can pay this particular good deed forward to! I have a feeling there may be a few other folk who want to get their mitts on it as well - so form a queue!

So I think I shall declare today send the Pimpernel loads of pressies as pressies cheer her up exponentially day   
Pay It Forward Friday !
A positive note on which to end the week! As Fresher's looms I shall need all the positivity I can get.

As a consequence of this friends thoughtfulness, I have been musing about how many folk I have 'met' through the internet and how rarely I am disappointed when I actually meet them. I have many actual good real life friends now, which is largely down to online forums and facebook etc ... how life has changed. Years ago as a divorced single parent staying at home I would have had little or no opportunity to get out and about and meet new folks (especially after I moved here from England). But by the glory of the internet I have a whole virtual family who in times of need never fails to rally! I consider myself blessed. It never fails to amaze me what a virtual friend will do for you when the chips are down! Or how quickly you can get the feeling you really 'know' them!

So for those of you scared to commit and sitting on life's sidelines - get online and put yourself out there! There are some good people to get to know! And I reckon I am one of them! ;) ... Usual disclaimer about online safety applies - sometimes people may not be what they seem. He may look good in his picture but in reality, well ... let's just say it might not be quite what you were expecting! Also if he mentions the word 'swing' and 'fascism' in the same sentence I'd advise caution!


So to conclude and before I start making a dent in the weekend's supply of alcoholic beverages  in the words of Edward Everett Hale :

“I am only one, but I am one. I can't do everything, but I can do something. The something I ought to do, I can do. And by the grace of God, I will.”

If you do anything today make it a kind something, and look for nothing in return.

Have a good weekend folks!

Monday Morning

The Office, before the cock crows, me and the cleaner. This is week two of the 'new regime' - the early bird catches the very elusive worm that is a 'Ph.D'! This particular bird has been groveling around now for the past year trying to find the kernel of a real idea, original and interesting enough to research and is bemoaning the fact she picked little magazines!

Too many, too much!

Everyone else is chatting about 'finishing this chapter' - I don't even have an outline let alone a chapter! There is time - right? Finishing year one and still being confused is normal - right?

This blog is to help me get through the stress of trying to be a Ph.D student - which isn't as easy at it may sound when you are deeply insecure and rattling around an old building full of ambulant brains! Why the allusion to the Scarlet Pimpernel - well for a year now I have been the lesser spotted Ph.D student around these parts - wandering the hallowed halls in a miasma of uncertainty, insecurity and low self-esteem. Well no one can get rid of that but me ... so this is step two in the positive steps to success guide I am creating for myself as I go along.

Step One was - a regular working routine - up and out, get a parking space ( a bit like the got to get a double seat refrain Ben Elton chanted in the 90s) and get into the office before 9 am... everyday!!! So far so good!

Step Two - find things that inspire you and encourage you to keep going! Success stories, ways of expressing yourself, allowing your feelings to escape, admitting your finding it hard, writing it down - A BLOG! So far - day one and so good!

Step Three - this one is harder, I need a more regular diet and exercise regime. Sitting on my backside for the past 7 years has done my arse no favours! I need to get fit! FIT BODY FIT MIND!

I'll stop there - I am turning into my own life coach!

I found it reassuring this weekend to read the obit of Marilyn French, who went back to university after her divorce and got her Ph.D at 42 - well I will be 44 ('ish) so this was kind of comforting - I mean MARILYN FRENCH is like a BIG name in feminist circles. B-I-G! Her first book came out five years later ( I am liking the timings of this better and better) when she was 47! Yes people read it and laugh with me - FORTY SEVEN! Older than me!! Her first book was a thesis on James Joyce - modernist supremo! So what I conclude is, it ain't over! Age is no barrier and you don't have to be born with a dictionary in your mouth to become an academic! No sireeeee! All this is reassuring when you are sat in your office, alone, on a drizzly Monday morning looking at the stack of information around you thinking - 'shit! wtf do I do with all this?'

So today's blog, the inaugural one, is dedicated to mature students everywhere, but to Marilyn French in particular who is now sadly deceased, but she is continuing to inspire divorced wannabee academics like me with her achievements!

her obit is at http://www.legacy.com/Obituaries.asp?page=LifeStory&personId=126981295

one of my favourite quotes from MF is “Oh, God, why don't I remember that a little chaos is good for the soul?”...

a little chaos - well I can probably top that when all is said and done but I like to think that even at the ripe old age of 41 with 2 years still remaining to produce my Ph.d I am still in the race, even though I may be lagging and the bookies odds on me aren't that great - everyone loves it when the rank outsider pulls out in front after lolloping along at the back for most of the race! far more exciting than betting on a sure thing..

so place your bets... this rank outsider may surprise you all yet!